Drunken Comics Rage

Dear Chris,

Why are you so clearly fucking insane? What joy do you derive from writing the same hackneyed dialog you've been writing for 30 or so years?

Although I must commend you. I did not think it possible for you to utterly and and completely suck all the joy out of what was a goofy and light hearted comic book in one issue.

And yet, here I sit with your first issue of Exiles in hand and cannot help but marvel at how you have immediately turned it into your same nonsensical, deadly serious (if it wasn't so stupid), cliche mutant mystery bullshit that you taint every book you touch with.

I stand in awe, sir. Your insanity and complete insistence on revisiting the same themes over and over throughout your entire career are a lesson to us all. Not a good lesson, but a lesson nonetheless.

Given you apparently still live in the 1970's, one cannot help but wonder. If you and Geoff Johns were to collaborate on a book could you bomb the whole industry back to it's very inception? It would possibly be like the publishing equivalent of "No More Mutants"

And yet it would still suck.

Please, dear God please, I beg you to do one of the following:

1. Find a sense of humor in your books for Gawdsakes.

2. Retire from the industry while folks still look at you as an icon and not an insane old man. I'm sure Stan Lee gets lonely on the road. You could partner up.

3. Go to DC and destroy their monthly titles. From what I understand an infatuation with the past and a penchant for cliche are prerequisites for their writers these days.

In closing I would like to say in your defense, Marvel hasn't called you on it. I'm not sure why just yet. Perhaps everyone is stoned when they read your work, or perhaps they look at you as one might look at the school janitor who retired a years ago and still shows up to clean the halls. That's all he knows and no one has the heart to tell him not to show up anymore.

Either way I hope you find peace away from the industry before you manage to drive me and everyone else away from any book with X anywhere in the title.

Sincerely,

Someone who is completely terrified that his $2.99 will be the one that encourages you to "keep doing it for the fans".