Drunken Comics Rage

Alright, I was actually going to go through this comic piece by piece, much like I do with Secret Invasion, but I'm slacking. Mostly because I really have no idea what the hell is going on. I may not be alone there. It might actually be that this first issue is just full of hooks and mysteries that will all play out over time. Knowing it's DC though, it's also possible that I should have been reading the last three events to have any idea what's going on here. Pretty much I'm just going to kind of wing it for at least this issue, and then see what happens in issue #2.

There's spoilers from here on out, so you've been warned.

The issue starts off with Metron giving man fire from his glowing chair. This looks to be way back in the caveman days, with everyone wearing skins and not really having a language. I know I've heard of Metron, but I know pretty much zip about him. The guy he gives fire goes out and uses it to drive off other cave men looking dudes from stealing a girl.

We then jump to what looks like present day, and a cop looking into a super human death. The Green Lantern John Stewart is called in to look into it. Kind of a nice touch there, as throughout, they seem more like cops than just super heroes.  There's also a guy in some sort of armor, with feet that look like they're skis, hanging out overheard. No idea what that's all about.

The cop leaves, and meets up with The Question, whose now a girl. As you can somewhat guess, DC really isn't my thing. Anyway, the cop gets a clue about some missing kids, and it pointing to a club called Dark Side. the cheese factor goes up a little bit right here, but not too bad.

Hal Jordan shows up in the next jump to help out Stewart, and you find out that the dead super human is Orion, from New genesis. Hal alerts the Guardians on Oa, and they want to "Seal the crime scene out to the planet's LaGrange point". This is where the science geek in me gets a little upset. I get they are trying to sound cool, but there's actually five Lagrange points between the Earth and Sun, not just a single point, and they're at several different distances. If you're going to use it, use it right.  Now that I've got that rant out of the way, and earned at *least* a nerd buck or two, I'll also let you know that the Guardians are sending in Alpha Lanterns. No idea what those are.

In the next scene, Doctor Light and Mirror Master are beating up on some heroes I've never heard of. It looks like they've found the chair Metron was riding in at the start of the issue, and are securing it for someone called Libra. I must admit, they're exchange, and the villain protest march, was probably my favorite part of the issue. It was just fun.

Next is a round table discussion between Libra, in what i would call a kinda dumb looking outfit, talking to the top of the super villain sect. They name Lex Luthor (again in the green power suit?) and Vandal Savage. I think Gorilla Grod is in there too, but not sure really. Libra wants them to all work together to end the age of super heroes. To demonstrate Libra's intentions, they bring in Martian Manhunter, and Libra runs him through with a flaming spear. Not a good way to go.

We then move on to the cop, whose going to check out the Dark Side club. The cop gets into the club, and meets up with a man, who seems to be Darkseid, but he looks human. He also has a cough. The cop confronts him about the kids, and he tells the cop he gave them to Granny. He also states that there was a war in heaven, and he won. The possible Darkseid guy also says that he taught the kids "the equation", which I guess he means the anti-life equation if I remember right, and he sics them on the cop. Little kids with glowing red eyes are always creepy.

Next, the Justice League is together, and they decide to go to "Justice League condition Amber" which is again, kinda cheesy. Three Alpha Lanterns also show up. I must admit, they are pretty cool looking.

Next is where it all gets Really weird for me. There guys have a big jar thing called the Multiverse Orrery, that looks to have a bunch of Earth's in it, all stacked up in a sort of reverse pyramid. The one at the bottom is called New Earth, and the foundation stone of all existence. It seems one of the Multiversal Monitors lost Universe 51, and is on trial for it. They sentence him to exile, even though he claims there was sabotage. Well, it seems mister I-Lost-A-Whole-Universe had himself a girlfriend, and she's all upset. A friend comforts her, as a guy who I guess is going to be the villain here, talks into a communicator (or to himself, it was hard to tell). Again, little bit cheesy. I almost expected him to twirl his handlebar mustache as he said his lines.

Finally, we're back to the cave guy we saw at the beginning. He can't seem to talk at all, nor did any of the other caves dudes in the beginning, but what looks to be a young kind comes running up, saying that Metron gave him fire, and they need it now. The big surprise here is that they're not cave men. In true Planet of the Apes fashion, you see the Statue Of Liberty in the background. The cave dude that got the fire, starts to paint his face like Metron, and then it ends.

Finally, some guy with a Mohawk wakes up, with Green Arrow on the TV, talking about whoever killed Manhunter is going to pay. He looks at his hands like he's not sure they're his, and the issue ends.

Now, I'll admit there might be a lot going on here that I just haven't read enough DC stuff to know. However, there seemed to be a hell of a lot going on that I'm interested in. The problem here, is that I wonder if it's all going to play out in Final Crisis, or if there's going to be too much other stuff that I'm supposed to read to keep up on events. Which would be sad, because I'm actually really intrigued at the moment. There's so many things going on, that I really want to see them all tied together. I'll just have to see how issue #2 goes.

Filed under: DC Comics, Ghostshark's Rants