Drunken Comics Rage

This issue is so craptastic that it hurts.

Let's give a little recap before I start ranting. There's probably going to be a few spoilers below and I'll try to keep them minor ones, but if you were really looking forward to reading this issue you might want to wait a bit before reading this.

Mr. Fantastic's old flame, Alyssa Castle, is in charge of building Nu-World, which is a replica of Earth, just in a parallel dimension. To protect Nu-World, which will have no weapons, they created CAP (Conserve And Protect). CAP is basically a super powerful giant robot who will patrol the whole world, removing weapons and protecting people. CAP of course goes nuts, jumps to the real Earth, and starts finding military bases and nuclear missile bases. The real threat is that once he's done with the big stuff, he'd start wailing on any yahoo with a hunting rifle.

If all of that didn't turn you off to this already, read on, because it all goes downhill from there.

Oh what is wrong with this issue. Let me count the ways.

1. There's a bunch of other heroes in this issue, such as both Avengers teams, and yet none of them ever say a word. Really. Have you ever heard Spider-Man *not* say at least something? Why even bother to put them in there? Because they wanted to make CAP look all big and bad, and have him trash all of the heroes to show you how totally bad-ass CAP is. What a waste, and a horrible plot point.

2. The Anti-Galactus suit. First, the name is a little cheesy. I guess I can let that slide seeing as how that's pretty much what it is, but that doesn't drop the cheese factor. I'll try not to spoil anything about what happens with it, but I'm sure you can guess that the big suit saves the day. It's was horribly anti-climactic.

3. Still hacking on the Anti-Galactus suit. First, Mr. F controls the thing from a little cockpit at the thing's waist. Like he's a Mr. Fantastic belt buckle. The dumb part? He looks like he's behind glass. I'm sure it wouldn't be glass, but I'm thinking if I can see it, so can Galactus. I'm pretty sure the big and purple guy could just gut punch the Anti-Galactus suit, thereby killing Mr. F, and making the suit useless. Ok, I'm sure that you could make up some super force field reason that wouldn't happen, but it still seems damn silly.

4. Still on the suit. Mr. F says that it costs a billion dollars a second to run. You have to be freaking kidding me. How does that even make sense? Well, it seems that it runs by stealing power from the national power grid, and that's where the cash comes in. Which means that if Galactus starts eating the world from somewhere in the deep African jungle on the other side of the world, the suit is useless. Again, I'm sure you could make something up, like he's sucking the power through the planet using the Earth's magnetic field, or some crap, but it just seems poorly thought out.

Yeah, I get it, it's a comic book, let the little stuff like that slide. Normally I do, but they just made such a big deal about it in the comic itself, that I felt it needed pointing out. If you're going to start giving me the technical details, I'm going to call bullshit when I see it. It didn't need a two page talk about how awesome the suit is. Which leads to my biggest gripe with this whole freaking run.

5. Everything in these last few issues is the biggest, baddest, out there things ever. They're not just making a haven for humans, they're making a whole new planet. Mr. F doesn't have a gun to shoot CAP, it has to be a Anti-Galactus suit. CAP is the ultimate weapon ever built, and it wailed on all the non-talking Avengers to show it. Mr. Fantastic gets his wife an anniversary ring that holds a micro-galaxy in it, and takes her back in time for dinner.

It's all just so over the top that it gets downright silly. It's not even a good story to where you could give some of the stuff a pass. It's one giant cheese ball of a plot, and all of the characters are almost whittled down to one dimensional. It's not good. It's not fun. It's not clever. It's just bad. It's like a five year old came up with the plot.

Kid 1 - "Well I don't need your Earth, cause I'm building a new one."

Kid 2 - "Well mine's better than yours because I have more stuff, so no one's going to come to your crappy new planet."

Kid 1 - "Yeah they will cause I'm sending CAP to beat up your world, and then they're gonna want to leave."

Kid 2 - "Well Earth has super heroes, and they're gonna kill your CAP robot."

Kid 1 - "My CAP suit looks like Captain America, and it beat up all the Avengers, so you lose."

Kid 2 - "Nu-uh, cause Mr. Fantastic has a suit that can beat up Galactus, so he can beat up CAP with it."

Ok, now I have to stop before I actually start losing brain cells coming up with that. All I can hope for is that it stops soon, though I don't think it is. The next arc is going to involve Dr. Doom, and I have a feeling it's going to get to a whole new level of bad. Unless they really pull something out of their ass, the next issue is going right back on the rack, because I really don't want to spend another $3 on this crap.

Filed under: Ghostshark's Rants, Marvel Comics