Drunken Comics Rage

I've decided to just go the super spoiler route, and go through the issue step by step, telling you everything that happens, and my personal feelings on it.

I wrote this all in one sitting, so feel free to point out any bad grammar, or anything like that until Monkey's OCD kicks in (ed: done!) and he fixes all of that. 

If the first sentence, and the fact that the damn title says "spoilers" doesn't get the point across that there are in fact going to be some spoilers below, well, you my friend need weeded out of the gene pool. For everyone else, read on…

Page 1-2

Big splash page. This is where we left off right after the Skrull ship landed and opened up. All the Skrull heroes are on the left half of the scene, and all of the real heroes (as far as we know) are on the right. The good guys have both the Avengers teams present, with Iron Man already down from the Skrull virus. The left half has, in their 80's and 90's garb, Phoenix, Beast, White Queen, Power Man (Luke Cage), Spider-Man, Sue Storm, Thor, Vision, Captain America, Wolverine, Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye, Mockingbird, and two women that I can't really make out. Sorry.

Everyone is all set to fight it out. The Skrull heroes think that the real heroes are the Skrulls, and it's some sort of trick.

Page 3-4

This is another sort of splash page, divided up into nine squares each with a different hero, set of heroes, or even a hero and their Skrull version, all talking about what's happening. Each side thinks the other is a Skrull.

Ares, somehow the only voice of reason it seems, is telling everyone it's just a huge trap, and that everyone that can fly should get out of there immediately. Who would have thought he was going to be not only the brains here, but also be the one wanting to retreat?

Page 4-5 

Yup, another splash page. Luke Cage, the hero, sums it up nicely in telling the Skrull heroes that they need their ass kicked. Everyone goes after each other, and the splash page just shows both gangs starting to rumble. It's a pretty picture. You can see it HERE.

Page 6

Not a splash page! Though I must admit they did the first pages really well.

In the first scene, Ms Marvel (?) grabs the real Iron Man (for all we know), and starts to fly him to safety. His armor has been infected with the Skrull virus, so he's out of commission, and apparently in pain from the whole thing.

The second and third panels are pretty much just the heroes and Skrull Heroes beating on each other, and some witty banter.

Page 7 - Ad

Page 8

On this page, the Sentry and Vision are tangling with each other. Sentry is actually trying to talk to the Vision, introduces himself with his real name, and then things get weird.

Vision tells Bob (Sentry's real name) that this is what he wanted. Vision somehow makes himself look and sound like the Void, and tells Sentry that it's all his fault. Vision/Void goes on to say that Sentry brought this into existence, just like he planned, to destroy everyone for forgetting Sentry when he needed them most. Sentry goes all mental, and goes flying off shouting "NOOOO!". What a pathetic waste of a hero. Even if he's not that bad of a character, he's so powerful (not that I've ever seen it) that they have to find ways to get rid of him. 

Page 9 -  Q&A with X-Men writer Aron Coleite

Page 10  

In the top panel, the heroes and Skrulls are still fighting. Ares is still trying to get everyone to leave, saying it's a trap. The Skrull Hawkeye is front and center.

The Skrull Hawkeye gets taken out in the next panel by Ronin.

In the third panel, Ronin is taking the Skull Hawkeye's bow and arrow set.

In the following panels, the Skrull Iron Man blasts the place, Ronin runs into the woods, and gets set up to start shooting people with his newly acquired toys.

Page 11 - Red Hulk ad. 

Page 12  

Ronin puts an arrow into Skrull Beast, then one into the Skrull White Queen. Finally, he shoots at the Skrull Captain America, but the Skrull Cap (heh) blocks it with his shield.

Right before he shoots, Ronin says "Cap's dead", then after it bounces off the shield, he says "Damn, maybe that is–". I'm telling you that bit, because Ronin is about to go all bat-shit crazy.

Page 13 - Skaar, Son of Hulk ad (that might be a possible pick up at some point)

Page 14 - 15  

Another splash page. This time, a full grown T-Rex (they are in the Savage Land after all) comes roaring through the fight, and everyone starts to scatter or attack the T-Rex. I guess being eaten has that affect even on heroes. Or Skrulls that think they are heroes. Anyway….

Page 16

Ms. Marvel (man I hope I'm getting the name right), is still flying along with Iron Man in tow. Tony has her take him to an old run down lab in a citadel that the people of the Savage Land once used. He then tells Carol to fly to the mainland. She protests a little bit, giving the argument about all of the others, and he tells her that he's been infected by a virus, and the whole world is in danger. Also, that he's going to rebuild his armor, saying "I'm going to do the one thing Skrulls can't imitate. Use my brain". Ok, that was a little silly. But really, he said that.

Page 17 

The top half of the page is a scene of the previous battle field, with the crashed Skrull ship, and several things on fire.

In the following scenes, Ronin is still hiding out in the trees, and Wolverine and Luke Cage run into each other. Wolverine threatens to slice Cage up, and Cage mentions that he has unbreakable skin. So it's a stalemate of sorts. Though I bet that Luke Cage doesn't have unbreakable eyeballs, but that's just me. The conversation takes us to the next page, where…

Page 18

Luke Cage and Wolverine are standing over a dead Spider-Man, who has reverted back to being a Skrull.

Cage and Wolverine kind of explain what's going on to the reader, as they work through what's happened. They basically come to the conclusion that the reason they made the Skrull heroes is to get everyone fighting each other, and not being able to trust the person next to them. The second part, and the reason the Skrulls didn't just nuke them from space or something like that, is that they want the planet intact, just with all of the humans, and especially the heroes, off of it.

Page 19

Mockingbird is next to the Skrull Hawkeye, who is now dead it seems, because he's now reverted back to being a Skrull. Mockingbird has her own little monologue about how she knew there were Skrulls mixed in with them, but apparently didn't think that  Hawkeye was one of them. Wolverine gets all upset, and rushes over to Mockingbird, saying that she's a Skrull. Mockingbird goes into another monologue, giving her name, she's a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, an Avenger, and not a Skrull, blah blah blah. Wolverine bears his claws like he's going to gut her, and Ronin sticks an arrow in him.

Now, that part was kind of cool, because the next scene is just a bunch of trees, and you hear Ronin say "Back away from the girl".  But it all goes bad right here.

Page 20

Wolverine tells Ronin not to fall for it. Ronin jumps out of the trees, holds his bow and arrow up to Mockingbird's head and….asks her about October 12th. To give you a little background, Clint Barton used to be Hawkeye, and is now Ronin. Barton and Mockingbird used to be married, and the real Mockingbird died saving Barton's life.

Well, back when they were married, Mockingbird had a miscarriage, and she and Barton never told anyone about it. She and Barton figured that the child's birthday would have been October 12th. In the following panels, crying, she tells Barton that she had the miscarriage, and about the birthday.

Barton/Hawkeye/Ronin tells Mockingbird she died. She says that she didn't. And….

Page 21

They kiss.

Ok. Lets forget the fact that he watched Mockingbird die. At what point do you really believe that your dead wife not only didn't really die, but that just because she/it knows a date that you didn't tell anyone about, that she's the real thing? I don't even care if they play it out where she is the real Mockingbird. At this point, someone is growing Skrulls in a lab to look exactly like real people, complete with memories, and no idea they're not Skrulls, and yet you're positive she's real because of a date? Sure, you didn't tell anyone, but she could have told dozens of people back before she died. Even if she didn't, you don't think they could grow a whole Skrull/Hero, complete with memories, but miss that one little detail?

I'm chalking this up to the Idiot of the Year Award. That's just terrible.

Wolverine tries to protest, but Barton shuts him down, saying that it's his call. Moron.

Page 21

We jump back to Manhattan. People are outside looking up at the Fantastic Four's Baxter Building, which the top half of is gone in some glowing ball of light. It's actually been sucked into the Negative Zone by a Skrull.

The Young Avengers are in regular clothes, looking up at the building, and trying to figure out what they're going to do about it.

Page 22

A space ship is hovering over Manhattan. Which begs the question, between all the crazy villains running around, all the attacks, even Galactus trying to eat the world at some point, why the HELL would anyone still live in New York? Ok, moving on.

The ship blasts some stuff, the Young Avengers decide they need to do something, which brings us to the final splash page.

Page 23-24 

The page shows a bunch of Skrulls, all dressed up like a version of several heroes. Like dozens of Super-Skrulls, but with powers taken from every hero on Earth. There's a Thing/Human Torch Skrull, what looks like a Wolverine/Colossus Skrull, a possible Dr. Strange/Mr. Fantastic Skrull. A Thor, Captain America (with a shield even), I think I see a Nova Skrull, a Phoenix, an Angel Skrull when he was blue with the metal wings, one with Dr. Octopus arms. It's pretty cool, and you can see a scan of it HERE.

Ok, so that's it. Not overly exciting I know, especially if you've already read it, but I thought I would throw it out there for the people that might be interested, but not enough to really buy the comic. Which you should do, if nothing else but for the couple of cool splash pages. I actually wouldn't mind having the last one, with all the Super-Skull types, to hang on the wall or something. Might have to look around at SDCC to see if they have something like that.

Filed under: Ghostshark's Rants