Drunken Comics Rage

So is anyone reading Freak Angels yet? I was a little luke warm at first, but I think in the last two or so episodes it's starting to become interesting. I suggested to the gang here at DCR that we pimp it because it's Warren Ellis and his first crack (to my knowledge) at doing a serialized web comic. I tend to like a majority of what Ellis does and even when he misses the mark I appreciate the fact he makes creative choices in format and length to try to tell his stories. So without a doubt, if you haven't checked out Freak Angels, do so. We're displaying it proudly on the right hand side of the site, so we're really making it easy on you now.  

Hey does everyone remember back here when GhostShark promised us he was going to read and review 70 issues of Ultimate X-men from the beginning? What do you suppose happened to that? Doesn't he owe us like 68 more issues or some shit? Someone should ask him when he's going to get back to that. I'm just sayin'.

I have a favor to ask of all ten of you that might be reading our beloved blog. If there is anyone out there that has read Countdown from beginning to end, can you please write in and tell me what the fuck it was about? Seriously, I kind of want to know. As we all know from a year ago right here that I had no actual belief in the crap DC was feeding everyone on the scope of Coutndown, so I never read it. But given it supposedly leads to Final Crisis (which I'll be buying against my better judgement) I suppose I should know what led to it. Don't go into great detail or anything, but a paragraph on what the entire point of Countdown would be great. Maybe we'll have a prize where the person who can sum the whole sordid bullshit up in less than 100 words wins a prize. And no cheating and just writing in "Countdown R0xr0rZ" or "Countdown to deez nutz!" Try to come up with something creative. Maybe whoever wins we'll ship an empty wine bottle with the shredded remnants of DC Universe 0 in it.

Which brings me to that particular piece of shit.

I have a confession dear friends. Normally on Wednesdays I just post my reading list and my drink of choice and go to read the books at a later point in the evening. Tonight I cheated slightly and read DC Universe 0 before posting. Well it certainly sparked some comics rage, and it is certainly driving me to drink. But I really wish to Gawd I hadn't bought it, let alone read it. I actually want to storm DC's offices and demand my money back.

And the fucking thing was only 50 cents.

So for those who haven't paid attention (lucky you), the conceit on DC Universe 0 was that it tied the Countdown series to Final Crisis. Because apparently the 52 issues of Countdown wasn't enough to do that. Actually even that's a lie because we all know with tie-ins to Countdown there were more than 52 issues. I'm not even going to do the research to come up with a grand total of books, but trust me kids it was way more than 52 issues. Regardless, DC Universe 0 was to make the direct connection to Final Crisis that apparently they were not able to do before.

Well, fellow comics raging drunkards, I have read DC Universe 0. And I am hear to say without a doubt, that the idea that it is the tie to Final Crisis is 100% complete and utter BULLSHIT.

DC Universe 0 has only slightly more to do with Final Crisis than it does with the rising price of gas or the home mortgage crisis. This is nothing more than trite, superficial, and completely asinine attempt by DC to pimp their major stories for the next year. Which I guess by itself wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't thrown a bullshit line about it being something else.

It starts with four or so pages of hackneyed narrative featuring images of Superman and the Legion of Superheroes. . .

And look! on the very next page is an ad for the "Legion of Three Worlds" story!

Then we get four or so pages of Batman talking to the Joker. Instead of talking, the Joker is sitting quietly flipping over cards in some coded message to Batman. Because you know, The Joker has been so shy about being vocal in the past right?

And then look! On the very next page is an ad for the "Batman : RIP" story!

Then we have four or so pages of Wonder Woman beating the shit out of people while greek gods in the shadows talk about taking her out.

And then look! The very next page has an ad for the big Wonder Woman story for this year!

Then some total pointless bullshit with Hal Jordan, John Stewart, Black Hand and Rainbow Brite happens for four pages . . .

And then look! The very next page is an ad for the "Blackest Night" story!

Does everyone get the idea now? Good, because I threw up in my mouth just a little bit even having to detail that much of it. Oh sure, by the end of it we get a few pages that might actually be a link to the Final Crisis, but the whole book is such a blatant and shallow attempt to pimp their whole line of books it is really shameful. Grant Morrison's name is on the cover, but the shit smell coming off of it totally reeks of Didio and Johns. Morrison should probably be ashamed for even allowing his name to be on it. Thank Gawd I'll be in the land of the Mouse next week so I have a week off to wash the foul stench of this away and can try to give Final Crisis a fair shot.

Enough of that. On to the reading list:

1. DC Universe 0 - though I wish to hell I hadn't read it at all.
2. Daredevil: Blood of the Tarantula (one shot)
3. X-men Legacy #210
4. Black Summer #6 - A fine miniseries brought to you by Warren Ellis
5. Thor: Ages of Thunder - The first of three Matt Fraction Thor one shots
6. The Order #10 - Remember when #1 of this was my $2.99 experiment? And here we are with the last issue.
7. Ultimate Human #4 - The end of another fine miniseries brought to you by Warren Ellis
8. New Avengers #40 - Skrulls!
9. Immortal Iron Fist #14

Tonights drink of choice is a Samuel Adams Irish Red. Thus far the warm weather season has very much been a beer season.

Filed under: DVO Reading Rage